Words of wisdom from famous people

[Zada]

Words of wisdom from famous people

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian,
you should
have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased
to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine
against a
wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement.
-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending,
and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. --
Victor
Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. --
Mark
Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho
Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then
she stops
to breathe. -- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -- Zsa
Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop
dying. --
Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant
form of
misery. -- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me
the
position. -- Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. -- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time
for my
nap. -- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in
it. --
W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its
way
through Congress. -- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will
avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else
starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to
go
anywhere. -- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.